It’s not that I’m surprised by the fact that it is 2012, but as I reflect on how life has unmercifully progressed, I regret not writing down the details. Seth started preschool this past week, Noah has started reading and is memorizing Scripture longer than I knew he could even say, and Megan has written and illustrated her first book I have been there with them through it all, and yet, I can’t help but feel like I missed out a little.

What I have been learning these days, and convicted by, is the fact that I need to be present as life happens. I am too often thinking about how to prepare for life’s next step that I miss out on the present reality. My most used words are “hurry up.” When I confess my guilty feelings to others, they are quick to sympathize and offer words of encouragement, stating the obvious that I am a busy mom of three kids with a church-planting pastor for a husband. Deep inside, though, I know that despite the busyness, a shift in my perspective needs to take place. My hope is that from now on I would be able to truly live my life. Sounds weird, but a lot of times I am “getting through” events in my day or checking off a mental to-do list. At the end of the day, I am thinking more about how much I did or didn’t accomplish, instead of picturing the sweet faces of my children and recalling my precious time with them.

Ok, so here I go . . .

Today was Noah’s first day of winter AYSO. I don’t know if it was because Noah knew most of his teammates from last season’s team or if it was the fact that Dad was his coach again, but he did awesome today! I feel a little unashamed to brag about him because what is awesome for Noah might just be normal or even below average for other kids. Last season, Noah was that kid who kind of stood on the edge of the field or even hid behind the coach (his dad). The one time he ran for it and really kicked the ball to make a goal – he kicked it into the wrong goal and scored a point for the other team. Oh gosh, that was a sad day for my boy. I literally felt his humiliation as he cried hot tears on my shoulder. But the joy and confidence I saw in him today brought such relief and I found myself just thanking God for the growth in him. As Noah’s mom, I know that no one is able to change my son’s heart except by the gentle prodding and encouragement of His spirit.

Seth is officially a student. WOW. Who would have thought that my little runt would be able to be in a classroom setting, following rules and listening to his teacher? Well, probably no one. The truth is, he didn’t quite do those things. No shocker there . As shy and evasive of the spotlight as Noah is, Seth is the complete opposite. He is loud. He is excited. And he will let you know it! I have to smile just thinking about how he literally hopped into class the first day. I am so thankful that God placed Seth with that particular teacher, though. She has been teaching preschool for maybe 15-20 years and all she had to say at the end of the first day was, “Don’t worry! He will learn the rules, give him time.” She said the same thing after the second day, and I decided that maybe I should stop asking her. If she’s ok with him, I should be, too. Oh, Sethy, you are just too full of joy! Just don’t sap her of hers, ok?

Megan . . . oh, Megan. Sometimes, right before I fall asleep at night, I think of my first-born daughter with such thankfulness and GUILT. I know that later on she will require much more attention and time (ahhhh, I’m scared of those teenage years!), but for now she is often my helper and definitely her brothers’ nuna (older sister in Korean). Still, I know the heart of my sensitive girl, and when she randomly mentions an incident from school that hurt her, I am ashamed to find out that it happened several days or even weeks prior. She just keeps things in her heart and either deals with them on her own. More likely, though, she doesn’t deal with them, and instead, buries them. She is too afraid to get someone in trouble or hurt their feelings, and even though I get mad and frustrated by her inability to be assertive, I am thankful that God has given her a gentle and sensitive soul. I love that she can express herself through writing stories and drawing pictures. Her first book was 43 pages long and she worked tirelessly on it until it was finished and illustrated. I have to admit, though, that I was sad to find out that it was Dad’s Christmas present, and not mine. What the heck?!?! I guess Mom’s the editor and Dad’s the gift recipient. I know how that works . . .

I learned something very important this week. Faith is not so much about believing in Jesus, as it is about taking a shower in His grace. A wise older pastor shared this truth and said that every morning when you wake up, don’t give yourself a pep talk about how you are going to try harder today or believe better. Just meditate on what Christ did for you and let the fullness of His love just shower over you and fill you. Faith is simply the conduit or tool for you to receive God’s grace. It is not the end, it is a means.

Ahhh . . . check! Wrote a xanga entry. One less thing on my to-do list. Just kidding